A Steelers cap sits haphazardly atop last night’s DIY bangs disaster. Without delay (if you don’t count stopping at Dunkin’) you head straight to the only salvation for a calamity of this nature - Pittsburgh’s very own Super Cuts on Murray Ave. The nostalgic siren song of eau de Herbal Essences slices through the muggy summer air, beckoning you to enter and become “as hip as you want to be.” Once inside, cocooned by the soundtrack of aerosol mist and Christina Aguilera’s Dirrty, you breathe a sigh of relief.

A ravishing woman donning split ends and a purple turtleneck spots your distress. Through triage, she urgently escorts you to the nearest open chair and begins to work her magic. She cuts and combs frantically, relaying her licentious weekend adventures, but you are adoringly distracted by the aroma of her saccharine lip gloss. Or is it her top, soaked in the remarkable scent of Tide?

She spins you around and with a single glance, you discern she has done nothing to improve the state of your tresses. Even so, earlier thoughts of your superficial hysteria have been replaced by a heightening obsession for the quotidian elegance of the woman standing behind the polyurethane chair in which you remain, transfixed. You must know her name.

Breathlessly, she answers: “Victoria, Tor for short.”

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